From a reader...

Dear Throat,

Deary me...what a difference two days makes! There I was, sitting in my recliner and playing with my hearing aid battery for grins and giggles, and it suddenly dawned on me...ah...uh...what was dawning..."By the dawn's early light"...no, that's not it...OH, yes! I remember that I want to praise Chief Jim for keeping the streets clear of ruffians, vagabonds, coloreds, and ragamuffins. That was it.

I can't remember...ah, yes...please disregard what I said a couple of days ago about "a little Benton Harbor"...I keep forgettin' these things...it's so hard to remember, what with all of these...well...gosh-darned (*tee hee*) good-fer-nuthins trying to tarnish the memories I have of Chief Jim once smiling at me. Turns out that I get these...oh, dear...gosh-darned things confused all the time...last year, I forgot and voted for both Nixon AND Humphrey...AT THE SAME TIME. Oh, dearie dearie...anyway, I forgot that I was looking at crime stats for BURNS Harbor, Indiana...or was it Boston Harbor...anyway, these things confuse me so much...

Also keep in mind that Chief Jim's uncle's first cousin's sister-in-law was once nice to a stray dog that she found, and that ALL of Chief Jim's relatives must be nice if this uncle's first cousin's sister-in-law was so kind that one time. I also heard a rumor that Chief Jim's cousin's sister-in-law's best friend's uncle once refrained from spitting at a Mexican fella that looked directly at him (the NERVE). These people are the cream of the crop, I tell ya...

So, kindly disregard what I said in my letter in that gosh-darned Harold's Paper, or whoever owns it now, except of course the truthful things that I said about that Troublemaker Bob fella (he's a meanie!)...it's what I said in the Journalistic Error that really counts, unless I'm confused about that as well. Maybe it's what I'm going to say in the West End Tribunal that counts...I don't know...dearie, dearie, it's time for my Geritol and Rum (*tee hee*)...it's a fun thing to do if you DON'T have a lynchin' to go to that day...

Confusingly Yours
Judy Ostrich