Chief Sentenced to Community Service

It’s become a common sight in Broken Springs to see Chief Kingston donning shorts and a fashionable tank top while he mows the grass on the other side of the river. In fact, from this behavior he’s acquired a reputation as a charitable man concerned about the betterment of the community, all the way down to the last blade of grass. But documents recently uncovered by reporters at NFBS point to a very different motivation.

According to court records that date back to 1998, Jim Kingston, in accordance with the Broken County Court System, agreed as part of a plea bargain to volunteer his time mowing the lawn for a period of 10 years, in exchange for the dropping of sexual harassment charges he faced from Ms. Lillian Schwartz. Local residents may remember that the Chief once faced sexual harassment charges from Ms. Schwartz, one time police department clerk. The charges were thought to have been dropped because the department didn’t employee enough people, making the sexual harassment claim null and void. But recent documents present a different story.

Ms. Schwartz, who now lives in Florida, told us, “I didn’t mind the persistent come ons, really. Chief Kingston is quite a looker, and people say he’s hung like a horse. But I was a married woman, and he was a married man. So one day when he grabbed my buttocks, I told him that was the last straw.”

According to the court recorder notes, Kingston’s defended his ‘buttocks squeezing behavior,’ insisting it was completely justified. The chief testified that, ‘Ms. Schwartz suddenly started to faint after I commented how nice her hair looked, so I reached out and grabbed whatever part of her I could, which just happened to be her buttocks, your honor. I’m not saying she has a big as… er, hind end. In fact, I think her hind end is very nice looking, especially when she bends over to pick up the papers I’m constantly dropping in the office.”

Judge Tolin, who presided over the trial, gave Chief Kingston a straight up verdict. “Either you can go to jail, where the tables will be turned and it’ll be your as… er, your assets on the line, or you can grant this poor woman a nice retirement package while you work off your immoral behavior with ten years of community service.”

Chief Kingston believes he made the right choice.

His supporters insist that he’d mow the grass even if he wasn’t ordered to by the Broken Springs Court System.