Ribbons Show Support of Chief

Friends and Supporters of Police Chief Jim Kingston recently started a ribbon campaign to show loyalty to Broken Springs’s chief law enforcer, while he is under investigation for fraud by the state police.

The ribbons, which match the tie that Chief Jim wears to every police commission meeting, are striped with France’s national colors: red, white, and blue.

“Chief Jim couldn’t get into the military, see, which is why we chose French colors,” explains Denise Eastfall, the ‘Betsy Ross’ of her group in charge of sewing together the ribbons. “But I’m convinced that if Jim had been able to serve his country, he would’ve done so fearlessly and courageously. In fact, he probably wouldn’t be alive today because he probably would’ve stepped in front of a bullet to save a fellow soldier… unless he was black.”

Another supporter of the Chief, Ronald Jackson, has the red, white, and blue ribbons lining his tavern in town. Each liquor bottle has its own ribbon, and all employees are required to wear the colors while on duty intoxicating Broken Springs citizens. “I’m proud to tie one on for Jim. He’s a standup fellow who deserves all the support we can muster up,” said Jackson while killing a bottle of bourbon.

But some wrongly assume the red, white, and blue ribbons are to show support for our American military troops overseas. When asked if her ribbon was to show support for our troops, Journalistic Error editor Cathy Pullantoeifhehollerslethimgo said, “No, absolutely not. It’s to show support for our Police Chief.”

“So you don’t support the troops?” we asked.

“Of course, yes. We support the troops 100%, but they’re so far away. Of course we support them. Everybody supports them. But not everybody supports the Police Chief.”

“Doesn’t that create an awful lot of confusion,” we asked “with such similar looking ribbons representing two very different causes?”

She paused for a long moment, and then said, “Oh… I don’t know,” which is almost as much as her paper knows week to week.

Meanwhile, Broken Springs’s only French residents, Mr. And Mrs. Louis Marcel, have placed several of the ribbons on their Renault 4x4. They could not be directly reached for comment because when we knocked on their door, they were preoccupied in the bedroom. “Do your ribbons show support of Chief Jim?” we yelled through the window.

“Oui, oui!” yelled Mrs. Marcel, before a long and heavy sigh.