We Are Working

Dear Editor who always gives top billing to our side,

When you relieve your morning wood in the shower, we are working. When you stub your toe in the middle of the night while getting up to pee because you had a few too many Michelob Lights the night before, we are working. When the 3/5 bank is being robbed two blocks away, we are eating breakfast in Dicki’s restaurant. Why? Because it is what we do.

Despite our dedication and service to the fair people of Broken Springs, there will always be some complaining about how we aren’t fair to children, to womenfolk, or to coloreds. We are always being watched, poked, and prodded in our profession, and because we are human (allegedly), we sometimes makes mistakes, like that time I illegally detained a black man with no probable cause (other than the obvious) as he handed out fliers for his campaign during the last Village Council election.

On Tuesday, August 2nd you will be asked to vote for a millage supporting the current operation of the police department. This vote is not about tasers (which are set to be approved whether or not the millage passes) and it is not about Chief Jim Kingston, whose current criminal troubles in no way taint his sparkling reputation amidst our community. It is about whether or not you want the police to answer when the dispatcher calls out to 3911 after you’ve blown two big holes in the torso of the tresspasser on your porch, who turned out to be your next door neighbor just wanting to borrow a cup of sugar. It’s about whether or not you want the red, white, and blue chip police force there to help you tidy up your quality of life problem, in this case, help sponge up the blood stains from your porch and feed the body to the pig farm down the road. We are here to protect your quality of life. Because it is what we do.

We work around the clock 24/7, on holidays, and during bad weather, all to serve and protect the public, many of whom spit in our faces and make oink oink noises whenever we approach. We squeeze into our uniforms and leave our wives and kids at home in order to take to the streets of this pathetic little town, er I mean this Eden of small communities, and whenever you need us or your neighbor needs us, we’ll be along, just as soon as we’ve finished sipping our coffee at Subway or scratching our tickets at Speedway. Why? Because it is what we do.

Some misguided and obsessed people are misleading the public about what this vote is really about. It is not about Jim Kingston, however even if it was about Kingston, it’s important for everyone to know that by unanimous vote, the members of the Broken Springs Police Officers Union #505 passed a resolution supporting the chief’s operation of the department. The personal attacks against him and his family are shameful, done by shameful people, who should be ashamed of themselves. Kingston and several officers have been harassed by a certain group of citizens and township board members, who ought to be ashamed of themselves for not falling in step with the rest of the adoring public. These people are Satanists living in a Christian community.

I want to thank each and every one of you (except for those harassing shameful Satanists who disagree) for reading. And I want to thank you in advance for passing the millage on August 2nd, because we all know that despite the vote count, it will pass with flying red, white, and blue chip colors.

Mort Allgay
President
BS Police Officers Union #505