Orthodox Jewish School Expels 7th Grader Who Can't Grow Beard

An Orthodox Jewish School in West Florida has expelled a 12-year-old student for not adhering to part of the school's dress code dealing with grooming. Nathan O'Malley attends Hebrew Jr. High in Pensacola, Florida. According to reports, O'Malley was asked to leave school on Monday after numerous warnings that he had not conformed to the school's code on facial hair. According to the school's disciplinary handbook, all males twelve-years-old or older must grow out their facial hair, or at the very least, some stubble. According to school tradition, the facial hair code is based on Leviticus 19:27, which states, "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard."

O'Malley insists that he's not purposely disobeying the code because he's tried to grow facial hair on several occassions.  But the best he's been able to muster so far is a couple of patchy red blotches that more resemble an old fox with the mange than a beard and moustache. On the few occasions he'd gone to school in such a state, he's been bullied so bad that he's chosen to shave what feeble stubble he can grow. Counselors insist that O'Malley, as a pre-teen with adolescent pre-pubescent hormones of Irish descent, will probably not be able to grow a full beard until he's at least 16-years-old. But administrators and school board officials at the strict Jewish school haven't the patience to wait that long.

New NSA Allegations Surround Facebook Number Game

You may have noticed a recent Facebook game on your newsfeed lately where friends assign each other numbers to reveal not so random facts about each other. It may have seemed harmless enough admitting that your favorite food is chocolate or that you usually watch Duck Dynasty in the nude, but new allegations are coming forth about the game being linked to the Obama Administration and the NSA's secret wiretapping scandal.

Senator and part-time unlicensed dentist, Rand Paul of Kentucky was the first to make such allegations on the Senate floor this past Friday. He claims to have read several documents online regarding the link between the social media craze and the National Security Agency, particularly many articles from Wikipedia he plans to plagiarize at a later date.

“The American people should always be vigilant against its over-reaching government, snooping into your private affairs,” he told the media, right after voting against an anti-discrimination workplace measure. “Again, the Obama Administration is acting on behalf of only themselves and tricking people into relinquishing private information on Facebook,” said the Senator whose own list included his now not-so secret desire to someday own a lawn jockey, and his fondness for squirrels.

So far both the Obama Administration and the NSA have denied allegations that they are data mining the numbers game on Facebook, but a recent FOIA request has documented several thousand log in attempts to Facebook from the Oval Office this month alone The President insists his recent surge in connectivity is merely due to his recent addiction to Candy Crush. “And Michelle,” he added, “She can't get enough of Grumpy Cat.” Asked whether or not the Affordable Care Act's addled website, Healthcare.gov has anything to do with how much time the Commander in Chief spends online, Obama only shrugged and said, “Cut me some slack! The last guy in here was still using a dot matrix printer.”

Government officials insist that the recent arrest of terrorist Abdullah Sam Alrah, shortly after he posted his list on Facebook is a mere coincidence. His #2 was about a designer suicide vest he recently bought from Hugo Boss.

Only time (and endless Congressional hearings) will tell whether or not Facebook's innocent and harmless number game is really so innocent and harmless. But in the meantime users may wish to be a little less social in social media. Either that or just keep playing the giraffe game.