A satirical view of news from small town, America.
Rep. Steve King
(R-Iowa) is calling for using food stamp recipients and Planned Parenthood
workers to help build President Trump’s southern border wall, the Washington
Examiner reported Wednesday. Food stamp recipients would become part of the foundation
of the wall, while Planned Parenthood workers, including doctors who provide
abortions, would be part of the labor force enslaved to build the wall.
On Tuesday of this
week, the House Appropriations Committee inducted a spending bill that helped
offset the price of the wall. The bill would allocate nearly $2 billion towards
the wall as part of a nearly $14 billion spent for Customs and Border
Protection. But that isn’t enough for Rep. King, as he insisted that his idea
could save more than $5 billion for Trump’s promised wall.
“I would find half a
billion dollars of that straight away by putting the whip to those Planned
Parenthood monsters,” he told the Examiner. “And the rest of the savings would be
in supplies, because who needs so much concrete and steel when you use those on
welfare to hold the wall together? Not only will they stop milking the system,
as part of the border wall, they will be productive for the first time in their
lives.”
King’s controversial plan has been met
with cries of applause from the conservative right, as well as cries of
inhumanity from the progressive left.
“Representative King wants to literally
bury children and the elderly in a wall to keep out immigrants. Isn’t it enough
that his policies are already burying our most vulnerable citizens?” tweeted Bernie
Sanders.
King’s office put out the following
statement in response to such criticism. “Nothing could be further from the
truth. Representative King would never use the elderly and children as part of
the wall. It would be much more practical to use healthy, able bodied adults,
particularly those with a high body mass index so as to build a taller,
stronger wall.”
The plan, if passed by Congress, would
surely be signed by President Trump, who already tweeted his support for the
bill Thursday morning: “Using welfare moochers and abortion drs (sickos!) to
MAGA is so smart Im surprized I didn’t think of it.”
Others, such as Trump spokesperson
Kellyanne Conway, also voiced support for the idea on this morning’s episode of
Fox and Friends. “We have an entitlement problem in this country and since
these people will not work, this is a great idea of how to make them work for
us.”
“As filler?” asked a smiling Steve
Doocy.
“In whatever capacity they can fill,”
she said.
When pointed out, by Jake Tapper later
on in the morning, that the majority of welfare recipients actually have jobs
but don’t make a livable wage, Conway added, “Then using them as the foundation
of the wall would be opening up so many jobs for Americans who want to work,
wouldn’t it?”
She then went on to plug Ivanka’s new
line of designer purses.
In describing how he came up with his
idea, King explained that food stamps were created to fight malnutrition but
that the people who benefit from these programs are usually overweight.
"Now we have a problem of
obesity," he explained. "And when you match up the [Electronics
Benefits Transfer] card with what the scales say on some of the folks, I think
it's worth looking at. [Former first lady]Michelle Obama looked at it.
“Sasquatch’s solution was to eat better
and exercise. But she was closing the barn door after the pigs got out. All I’m
sayin’ is we’ll never get the pigs back in the barn. So load ‘em up in a wall
Jimmy Hoffa style, and let their vices protect the United States of America.”
