Thursday, November 29, 2007

Potent and Impotent

Did everyone rekindle their Christmas Spirit in downtown Broken Springs Thursday night? I can't I say did. In fact, the only thing I wanted to rekindle was a stick of dynamite in the anal cavity of whomever was responsible for blocking off downtown while everyone is trying to get home from work. As I understand it, the hoopla was celebrating not only Christmas, but the completion of the disaster known locally as the Streetscrape Project. I'm gussing that means that our new bump outs have bumped out as far as they're ever going to bump out, and our retarded Elton John benches will forever go both ways. Our new Christmas decorations look exactly like our old decorations, only much more expensive.

It was interesting to read that Village employees have combatted the current hard economic times with a nifty 3% pay raise. We here at NFBS were particularly thrilled to see that included in the list of benefitted Village employees was none other than Litter and Debris Code Enforcement Officer Daniel Shame. He will now make $22.95 an hour to trespass instead of the piddley $22.28 he was making before the wage increase. I can think of no better person to offer the pay raise to, unless you count every other person on the friggin planet, and a few animals as well.

And speaking of Junior...

Proving once again that more than terrorism, more than a nuclear explosion, more than cell phone talking Adventist drivers trying to get home before sundown on a Friday night, the biggest threat to Broken Springs is blight, the Village Council has decided to hire a backup Code Enforcement Officer. The decision, according to this week's Journalistic Error, is partly due to the possibility that current Trash Cop Daniel Shame may resign.

Now that would rekindle my spirit.

An Identity Theft Seminar will be offered December 11th at the library. Residents interested in attending the seminar can call the library and leave their name, in addition to their phone, social security, and ATM PIN numbers to register for the seminar.

It's campaign season, and the recently mentioned local rag has declared its position with the publication of their first recycled political joke. So here is our first joke, establishing our political position:

When Hillary Clinton heard that Rudy Giuliani will run against her for President, she became very depressed. She said that if she wanted to spend the next year battling an adulterer, she could've stayed at home.

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