Sunday, July 13, 2008

Potent and Impotent

Regular readers may have noticed a lack of content in the last several months. No, we haven’t been shut down by local law enforcement. Nor have we been paid an enormous amount of hush money to pipe down about the local goings on, though we’re always open to any offers.

No, we’ve not been writing about the goings on in Broken Springs simply because there hasn’t been anything going on. News has stopped dead in its tracks since Jim Kingston took early retirement. And our editor has completely thrown herself into the world of billiards.

Sure, there is that pesky primary election coming up and our friend and co-hort Troublemaker Boob is running for chairwomanship of Onoyoko Township against incumbent Ernie “Fencepost” Hildecrust. But so far both sides have run a clean campaign. And by clean I mean breathtakingly boring. Shucks.

Well it should be no surprise that here at News from Broken Springs we officially endorse Troublemaker Boob Bruce. Certainly not because he’s a true fiscal conservative, a crisis preventer instead of his crisis manager rival Ernie Hildecrust. Not because Bruce is a Republican in a sea of Broken County Republicans where you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a Republican or a Hildecrust and sometimes even both at the same time. Not even because he’s a younger, more energized babe magnet of a candidate than the decrepit grandfatherly Hildecrust whose idea of sex appeal is a baggy Michigan State Spartan sweatshirt. No, NFBS officially endorses Bruce because he’s got bigger cahones than Hildecrust. And by that I mean balls. Balls he’s proven on more than one occasion to be bigger than Broken Springs itself.

Consider proof of cahones:
Remember when Troublemaker Boob was threatened with lawsuit and told to shut down his blog by the law firm Wee Screwem & How, which was hired by the three Broken Springs officials who are no longer Broken Springs officials? Did Boob cave in to their unconstitutional demands or did he furiously defend his freedom of speech? If Boob’s rival Hildecrust had been presented with such a threat, his balls would still be hanging on the fencepost and the first amendment to the US Constitution would‘ve been violated like a nun in prison. But Troublemaker Boob fought for his freedom, and he’ll fight for yours too.

Vote August 5th for Troublemaker Boob Bruce for Onoyoko Township Supervisor. Clearly he‘s more endowed for the job.

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