Water Tower Cited for Blight

Tough Trash Cop Strikes Again

What does the Broken Springs Water Tower have in common with hundreds of Broken Springs citizens? It’s been cited for blight by Trash Cop Daniel Shame.

The recent “facelift” the water tower is getting includes a new paint job, requiring workers to temporarily cover it with a long light brown tarp that, unbeknownst at the time the job was scheduled, violates the local litter and debris ordinance. The ordinance makes illegal unsightly objects visible from the street and/or neighboring properties. Since the current state of the water tower is unquestionable unsightly, its violation of the ordinance is in no question. But many are questioning the fairness of the citation since the tower’s tarp is necessary until the renovation is complete.

The citation of the water tower isn’t much unlike the citation of Harold Mishap’s automobile repair shop, cited last year by Daniel Shame for having inoperable cars.

According to protocol, the property owners, in this case the village itself, have ten days to make the necessary changes to be compliant with regulations but since the job is scheduled to take two weeks, it’s doubtful that the village of Broken Springs will abide by their own ordinance. It’s also doubtful that they’ll levy a fine of $100 against themselves as the do against other violators.

Residential opinion varies on the matter. Some believe the ordinance should be followed by everyone, not just those Daniel Shame doesn’t like. Resident Mandy Wurtz, who was recently cited for grass growing in between the pebbles of her driveway, believes the water town citation is fitting. At least that‘s what we assume she thinks since she couldn't stop laughing when we told her.

Others agree.

“It looks like a giant condom,” says fair goer Dolly Adamson. “In fact, when I asked directions to the supermarket earlier this week, I was told to turn left at the giant condom.” She was quick to add, “Not that there’s anything wrong with condoms. It’s just that I wouldn’t like my drinking water to come out of one.”

Trash Cop Shame doesn’t regret citing the Village over the water tower. He told NFBS that no one is exempt from his long arm of the law, including the Village itself if it violates the ordinance. We can attest to Shame’s seriousness with which he performs his dangerous job of keeping the streets of Broken Springs free from litter and debris. He’s even threatened to cite this website for its unsightly color scheme.

Whether or not the Water Tower citation will result in a fine is anyone’s guess. If a fine is issued, there’s a reasonable chance Village residents will see a rise in their next tax statement. After all, nothing’s free anymore. Least of all water.