Trustee Proposes Smoke Signal System for Police

The old Indian practice of smoke signals could solve the problem of Broken Springs police leaving their posts, a township trustee said Tuesday night. Dorothy Hildecrust introduced a proposal to teach all present BSOT officers standard smoke signal procedures in order to better keep track of their location.

The proposal follows a controversial hunting incident by Daniel Shame, in which he was caught playing with his bow and arrow while on duty on September 1st. Hildecrust said the cost of the smoke signal program would be virtually nonexistent to the department, as most of them already carry lighters with which to smoke their confiscated weed.

“One advantage would be that we wouldn’t have all this controversy,” she said. “With a simple transmission of smoke signals, we could know where they are and what they are doing at any point during their shift. One puff might mean they’re tailing a pesky sidewalk supervisor. Two puffs might mean they’re disrupting a riot at the college. Three puffs might mean ‘Hurry up Boss, your wife is on her way.‘ And so on.”

Opponents to Hildecrust’s proposal point to the possibility of sending mixed messages.

“What if a squad car overheats?” asked Ernie Hildecrust (no relation).

“That would mean Shame’s been drag racing again,” answered the Trustee.

“Whether the smoke is from the car’s engine, tires, or from constant toking, officials at the station will know where it is and how long it’s been there," she said.

Jim Kingston attended the meeting and expressed disapproval. "I'm a police chief, not an Indian chief."

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to contribute to the already high levels of air pollution in Broken Springs’s skies,” said resident Lonna Jackson, to a steady round of applause. “We need to trust our officers when they lie to us about their recreational activities. If we can’t trust them, who can we trust?”

Indeed.