Sunday, November 20, 2005

Allgay Wouldn't Turn Down Chief's Job

Secret inside sources interviewed outside today reveal that Patrolman Mort Allgay wouldn’t turn down the Chief of Police position, if it was offered to him. Current Chief Jim Kingston’s recent bad press has created a whirlwind of gossip, rumor, innuendo, and hearsay amongst the back alleys of Broken Springs regarding his future as Broken Springs Police Chief. Potentially vying for his position, according to the word on the street, is long time policeman Mort Allgay, whose father was a Benton Harlem policeman. Allgay has the support of the community as a whole on most matters, but it’s too early to tell whether that support would hold up against Kingston’s fan base, which is small but very vocal.

“I don’t wish to cause alarm,” said the veteran cop, “But Jim’s like Jiffy Pop over an open flame right now. It’s only a matter of time before things pop and he‘s covered in butter.”

Meanwhile, Police Commission members would neither confirm nor deny the rumors that Allgay is next in line for chief law enforcer of Broken Springs. Chairperson Ernie Hildecrust would only comment that Kingston is an at will employee of the commission, but he added that the commission is grateful to have an experienced man at the helm, particularly one who‘s helped him personally out of many cylindrical problems.

Village Council President Jan Chaddwick also adds her support. “Chief Kingston is a lot of wonderful things, too many to name them all. But what stands out above all in my head is his dedication to his job of keeping the streets of Broken Springs safe. I doubt if anyone could command his job as well as he does. He keeps us all in lock step with him on nearly everything. It’s much easier than thinking.”

Repeated calls to his house have been unreturned, but Kingston’s answering machine message comments, “Hello, you have reached the home of Jim Kingston. I’m unavailable to come to the phone right now for any number of completely justified innocent reasons that do not involve my gambling away Christmas Care Bear donations at the Blue Ship Casino or cashing taser checks illegally, or any mumbo jumbo like that. If you leave your name and number, and perhaps a steamy reading of your latest letter to the editor supporting me (yes, I mean you, Lonna) I’ll be sure to get back with you just as soon as I find the key to these here handcuffs. Wait for the--”


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