Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Potent and Impotent

A particular reader, who used to live in and work for Broken Springs, is concerned for my safety because I write this blog. So if yours truly isn’t seen or heard from for several days, I hereby request that the Sheriff’s Department drag the river. Or just give me a call. That’d probably be a bit more practical.

Broken Springers have been in a tizzy raking leaves lately. I’ve never understood this phenomena. If God had not wanted leaves on the ground, He wouldn’t have made them fall from the trees. Don’t screw with Mother Nature. Unless, of course, there is a blight ordinance against fallen leaves, which wouldn’t surprise me in the least, since there is a blight ordinance against everything in Broken Springs except for green grass cut to a precise length.

As Thanksgiving approaches, here are some of the things for which I’m thankful:
The never ending inspiration for humor in Broken Springs
The McDonalds Dollar menu
Desperate Housewives

That’s about it.

Here is a Turkey Day joke sent in by one of our regular readers:

One autumn for her birthday, Jan received a parrot with a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. The parrot’s name was Jim. Every word out of the Jim's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. Jan tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else she could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary, but to no avail.

Finally, Jan was fed up and she yelled profanities at the parrot. Jim yelled profanities back. In desperation, Jan threw up her hands, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes Jim squawked, kicked, and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Fearing that she'd hurt her pet, Jan quickly opened the door to the freezer. Jim calmly stepped out onto Jan's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriateness and transgressions, and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." Jan was stunned at the change in Jim's attitude. As she was about to ask him what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

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