Sunday, July 02, 2006

NFBS's Crime of the Week

By: Choclate Thunda Forever Baby!!!!!

This week's Crime of the Week comes from the files of the Broken Springs Police and Fire Departments. On the week of May 29, 2006, officers were called to the residence of the Broken Springs Police and Fire Department on a report of a larceny of gas. Upon arrival, fellow officers were observed pumping a substance of an undetermined nature (later discovered to be Regular Unleaded Gasoline with an octane rating of 82, just another way Onoyoko Township tries to save a buck) into their patrol cars. Upon further investigation, it was determined that the subjects involved were concluding their patrol shifts and attempting to turn over a properly fueled squad car to the next officer on duty. Once the caller of the complaint was contacted, a Mr. Hildecrust, we were advised that those pesky police officers and fire fighters were stealing fuel “right from under our big red noses” and placing it into their personal vehicles. After several attempts to reason with the caller, trying to explain that the cars he saw were patrol vehicles at the end of their shift, we realized that the real larceny here has occurred in Mr. Hildecrust‘s cranial department over the course of the past several years, or however long he‘s been in public service. Hildecrust later denied making the call, despite the recorded tape of the conversation.

NFBS is requesting the aid of any intelligent persons in Broken Springs (three digit IQs please). If any such people are found, please convince them to run for township and village office. You may leave prospective candidates names and phone numbers at this website’s e-mail address. If you cannot remember their phone number, please copy it off the bathroom wall of the nearest bar.

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