Campaign Signs Violate Blight Ordinance
Broken Springs Village Council decided Monday night to include certain campaign signs in residents front yards in the current blight ordinance that protects us from the threat of litter and debris. The move is a controversial one however because not all campaign signs are treated equal. Namely, the signs of Village President Jan Chaddwick and her slate of political incumbents are not to be considered blight while those of any potential opponents are deemed “the most offensive blight known to humankind,” according to the meeting minutes of Village Clerk Cherry Pickens-Kingston. Those signs violating the ordinance are to be dealt with “quietly and immediately,” according to the policy.
“This is a special provision for our quaint little village,” commented Chaddwick after the meeting. “For too long we in Broken Springs have had to suffer the ugly expression of democracy, from critical bloggers to the distribution of opposing political candidacies. Now we’ll be able to see democracy for the beautiful thing that it is, in this case a 'Re-elect Jan Chaddwick for Mayor' yard sign.” Her eyes glinted as she held up a pink, white, and blue campaign sign with her name spelled out in roses. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to celebrate my future victory with a 12 piece bucket from KFC.” She almost skipped away from the meeting.
Litter and Debris Officer and part time midget playboy Daniel Shame also applauded the move, granting the council members the foresight to predict an ugly campaign by Chaddwick opponents. “These people will do anything to get attention including plastering the lawns of ordinary citizens. It’s shameful, really. Broken Springs residents should realize that their yards are not billboards.” With that, Shame stepped up into his Ford Bronco, covered with confederate flag and Nascar bumper stickers, and sped away.
Those opposing Chaddwick and her slate of politicians could not be reached for comment, as they were busy packing their bags for a town with more people than cows.