Potent and Impotent

Despite the fact that in our last poll no one voted for Potent and Impotent as their favorite NFBS feature, that doesn’t mean we’ll quit writing it. No, dear reader, you shan’t get off that easy.

One might wonder, if so inclined to wonder about such boring things, why the one and only Broken Springs Satirical Online Rag (i.e. Us) has yet to run any articles on the upcoming police millage and local elections, scheduled for next Tuesday. It’s not that we don’t care about the outcomes of these votes. Quite the contrary. The police millage in particular will decide whether things will stay business as usual or whether the citizenry of Broken Springs will finally get some much needed tax relief. Oh sure, it’s only two hundred dollars for the average household, but that kind of money can gas up your SUV for a good two or three days. We predict that the millage will pass overwhelmingly, but that’s not the real question, is it? The real question is: should it?

The local print rag had a lot of whoppers this week, didn’t it? From the misnomer that without the passing of the millage we’ll be left in total anarchy with NO POLICE PROTECTION WHATSOEVER (except for those nice young men in brown and tan and those professional men in navy blue left out of the article) to a stunning endorsement of the millage from who other than a local cop… we’d like our seventy-five cents back please. But I guess one must be grateful for small treasures, such as the revelation that Broken Springs isn’t Mayberry. Of course we’re not Mayberry. We’re in color. Plus, Mayberry probably didn’t have as many bad checks.

On a side note, we at NFBS would like to propose a new BSPD motto: Protecting us from Bad Checks and Escaped Buffalo. Can anyone think up a jingle? Extra points if you include the rat snake.

The politics of personal destruction has reared its ugly head in the neighboring Broken Township. One side’s claiming their signs are being stolen (when in fact they’re really being abducted by aliens) and the other side is taking the stance that Litter and Debris pose a greater threat than Al Qaeda. It all makes me want to wander across the river for a meeting sometime and see what all the fuss is about. But I’ve been warned that the Supervisor wouldn’t welcome my presence very much. Who knows what the potential new Supervisor would think.

In state politics, one of Broken Springs’s own has decided to try to uproot the current incumbent, Neo Nitzi. Does he stand a chance? Well, I’m rooting for my hometown in this battle, at least in the primaries. After that, go Judy go. But as an evil Democrat, Judy Truesdell doesn’t have a snow cone’s chance in hell of winning. Sadly, there’s a better chance that an asteroid will hit the 78th District on election day. Given such options, I’m rooting for the asteroid.

Our local underrated community colleges also have a millage vote on the ballot. Given that the best years of my academic life were at Lake Michigan College, I strongly encourage people to support these millages. Community colleges are an excellent choice for someone not rich enough for a four year school, and I’d even go so far as to say the education itself is better. Governor Granholm , meanwhile, has a plan to make college a viable option for all. Are you listening, local candidates?

Mark your calendars for August 8th. Remember, if you don’t vote, you have no right to complain.