BDSM PD?

Ethical questions arose Friday when Police Chief Jim Kingston was discovered stashing twelve pairs of old department handcuffs in the trunk of a personal vehicle. The handcuffs, he claimed, were to be donated to Goodwill but when News from Broken Springs called local stores none had received a donation from the BSPD.

Rumors are afloat that the recently retired cuffs will meet their fate in Kingston’s bungalow basement, which neighbor say is decorated like a dungeon. And a look at the police budget raises spooky coincidences. Over the last fifteen years the Broken Springs Police Department has racked up an extraordinary bill for handcuffs, leather whips, and canine muzzles, almost three times the amount that our neighbors in Lincoln Township have spent. Another interesting tidbit is the specific purchase of five dog collars after the death of Durango, the K9 unit. When questioned about the unordinary high expenses, department clerk Mary McDonald said, “Better to have too many handcuffs than not enough.”

“Yes, but why is it necessary to keep a pair of cuffs in your bottom desk drawer?” we asked as she turned a lively shade of red.

“Those are there in the event of a terrorist attack,” she said.

As we tried to shake the image of Osama bin Laden cuffed to Ms. McDonald’s drawers, we questioned another potentially dangerous witness, Kingston’s own garbage man.

The Unreliable Refuse Technician (as he preferred to be called) assigned to Kingston’s home street for the last seven years insists that he’s often picked up boxes of rusty cuffs along with an assortment of gags, leather collars, and red rubber balls. “Oh, and a lot of loser scratch off tickets,” he added.

Some residents are shocked at these recent allegations yet many more insist that the accusations are only an attempt to smear an innocent man who annually gives to charity. One man who believes that is Kingston himself. He had the following comment to the press.

“There’s a certain faction in Broken Springs who’ll stop at nothing to disrespect officers of the law. They did it to Daniel Shame. And now they’re doing it to me. But that’s discrimination. Saying all cops are bad is like saying all n^&&*%$ like fried chicken. It’s simply not true. Some n^&&*%$ are vegetarians.”

Another Kingston defender is Mrs. Kingston, who despite gag strap sores on her mouth, couldn’t keep quiet about the morality of her loving husband. “He’s not into S&M. I doubt if he even knows what it is, or even how to spell it.”

“Does he ever tie you to the bedposts?” we asked.

“Only when he’s going fishing,” she said.

Whatever the reason Jim Kingston is hoarding handcuffs, at least we now know why his keychain is so heavy. Apparently he’s an avid fisherman. And as far as we’re concerned here at NFBS, it isn’t a crime to like a little bass every now and then.