Monday, August 08, 2005

Police Commission Meeting

Instead of having pitched her tent, Jan Chadwick ditched her tent and opted to wear casual gray slacks to this month’s meeting. Chief Jim wore that same red, white, and blue chip American eagle tie that he’s so fond of. I’m beginning to suspect he has more than one. The Commission Attorney looked stylish as usual, and was fashionably late.

The meeting was called to order at precisely seven o’clock with an audience of six people, eight if you include the editor of the Journalistic Error.

Chairperson Ernie Hildecrust thanked everyone for the cards after his heart surgery, and he also noted that his wife got a good chuckle out of the sympathy cards.

Laidlaw Co. will supply the police fuel for a year. Other alternatives for obtaining gas were discussed, including frequent lunches at Taco Bell. The commission decided to go with Laidlaw, despite the fact that Taco Bell is cheaper.

Reservists on the force volunteered over 190 hours this month. Complaints were up 6% over last month. Probably the reservists complaining about having to work so much.

Chairperson Hildecrust supports the full recovery of Lt. Roy Kingsley 100%.

Chief Jim Kingston thanked everyone for their hard work on the millage, including all the officers and officers’ families who went door to door encouraging a YES vote.

Chairperson Hildecrust scolded whoever was responsible for putting VOTE YES on the signs in town. He said it was flat out illegal. Tsk tsk, shame shame, everybody knows your name. Well, nobody knows your name because he didn’t name anyone by name but you know you are, shame on you anyway.

Chairperson Hildecrust also insisted that Officer Mort Allgay acted “out of line” and owes someone a letter of apology. He also called him a smart aleck. Tsk, tsk. A police officer being a smart aleck??? Perish the thought!

No word yet on whether or not Ernie Hildecrust was on his period. Investigators are investigating into the matter. (*)

Chief Jim notifies the commission that LEIN checks (which occur after a BS officer runs your license through the system after pulling you over for no reason to make sure you‘re not a terrorist, a pot smoker, or a millage opponent) will cost the department $500 in the future, and an extra $12 per officer ($18 if the officer is overweight). One wonders if harassing Broken Springers is really worth the cost in these hard times.

Nobody suggested the obvious solution: Stop pulling people over. Or at least straight laced prudish white people who never break any laws anyway. Seems a waste of money to this reporter.

Chief Jim also let the commission know that the 3% pay raise for the department was much appreciated. However, the part time office help and the crossing guard now want in on the action.

So in a time when the department is $11,000 short of budget even with the millage passing, the fiscally conservative and responsible police commission members voted in a 3% pay raise for every Tom, Dick, and Harry who works at, for, or around the police station.

After 15 minutes and no discussion from the minimal crowd, the meeting was adjourned. World’s shortest meeting. This reporter has seen longer commercials.

Fifteen minutes…
Jan Chadwick’s order at Pizza Hut was ready.
Ernie Hildecrust’s oil was changed.
Dick Steelman’s lube job was done.
Time to go home.

* This reporter rather prefers the new Ernie. I’m beginning to wonder if he didn’t also get his spine operated on.

Until next meeting... cherio.

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