Monday, June 13, 2005

Police Commission Meeting

Village President Jan Chaddwick waddles in, wearing a
spring patterned tent. Police Chief Jim shows up wearing
a patriotic eagle tie, matching the red, white, and blue
ribbons handed out before the meeting in his support.
How I ended up with such a ribbon is a mystery, although
I hope tying it around my car antenna prevents me from
being ticketed by the local pigs.

Seems we had a busy month for drunk driving. BSers
were trying hard to drink their problems away. If you
lived in BS, you'd drink too.

The Taser issue was placed under the table, far away
from commissioners' genitals.

Random fact: A new Chevy Impala costs $17,764.
(Mental note: If ever on the Price is Right, remember
this figure.)

The Tahoe, car #3, is being retired and buried next to
the police dog. The turn signals never worked anyway.

Officer Daniel Shame has taken a seminar to learn how
to use a breathalizer. One wonders when he will take
the seminar "How Not to Harrass/Stalk Young Women and/or
their boyfriends."

Officers Kirk and Robbins did something important as I
dazed off. Officer Spock must be on medical leave.
Officer Scotty has been beamed up.

Chief Jim requests another police dog, preferrably a
bitch he can muzzle.

Jim gives kudoes to the Fire Department.
Lightning strikes.
We all die.
Meeting adjourned.

O.C.C. (Yeah, you know me) -
Ernie tells Jim to disallow officers in uniform to
assist in Operation Christmas Care, much to the dismay
or Spring Tent Jan and Curley Headed Sandy.

This just in: Ernie Hildecrust grows some balls.
(Careful Ernie, watch out for the tasers under the

Wile E. Coyote again shunned for towing services.
Road Runner wins again. Beep beep.

Public comments made, ignored by commission.
Lonna Jackson stands up to show the size of her large
breasts. Both of her support the police millage.

The Attorney requests a closed meeting to discuss some
super secret stuff the public does not need to know about.

Meeting adjourned.

For a "straighter" view of the meeting, click here.

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