Monday, June 27, 2005

Protocol Schmotocol

Chief Jim Kingston of Broken Springs is the only police chief in the area who has chosen to ignore the County’s Protocol Directive, requiring the fire department to be dispatched to scenes of automobile accidents. According to our sources (a bunch of fat balding men at the local saloon), this is not the only ‘protocol’ the Chief ignores.

He also:

  • Wears white after Labor Day
  • Swims less than 30 minutes after eating
  • Takes “Mulligans” on the golf course
  • Dog ears pages to books, both paperback and hardback
  • Tears off mattress tags
  • Doesn’t wear underwear, preferring to go “Commando”
  • Eats steak with white wine, not red
  • Steps on cracks in the sidewalk (No word yet on the back condition of his mother)
  • Doesn’t change the roll of toilet paper OR fill the ice cube tray when he’s emptied it
  • Only poop scoops while walking dog in public if people are looking
  • Prefers to ride his horse ‘bareback’

To be fair, the Police Commission has only recommended that he follow the prior Protocol Directives, as well as the one requiring the fire department at accident scenes. There has been no order to follow any of the protocols, especially the horse riding one, because saddles are for sissies.

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