Friday, September 30, 2005

BSPD Turn Over Wrong Video Tape

It was a simple FOIA request. Bonii Didjaseedat and the Herald Republican asked for the squad car video tape from Daniel Shame’s entire shift on Thursday, September 1st. But when they viewed the tape, it was nothing they expected.

“A mistake was made,” explained Chief Kingston. “Somehow the tape got mixed up with some other of Daniel Shame’s tapes, apparently from his secret porn video collection. It was an innocent mistake. Okay well, not so innocent. But Shame has been verbally reprimanded. It will not happen again.”

The tape in question, a copy of Volume 81 of Girls Gone Wild: the AU Campus Edition, was accidentally turned over to the news media after allegations that Officer Shame was playing for 2 ½ hours while on duty and out of his jurisdiction.

“I expected to see a tape of bows and arrows. Instead, all I saw were boobies and poon-tang,” said a village resident who attended a five dollar public showing of the tape. “Two thumbs up!” he added. “Well worth the price of admission, can’t wait for the sequel.”

Police Department defenders believe the tape exonerates the Chief and his favorite subordinate. “Clearly, the tape does not show Daniel Shame practicing archery out of his jurisdiction,” said the Chief’s father in law and order, Merle Boreman. “In fact, I don’t remember seeing Daniel in the tape at all, unless he’s grown his hair long, lost a lot of weight, and bought breast implants.”

“Well, he did recently get a 3% pay raise,” we told him.

“Wait, let me put on my spectacles,” he said while we showed him the copy sent to NFBS. When he put them on, he immediately fainted and therefore had no further comment.

“This just goes to show you what utter contempt our Police Department has for the law they’ve sworn to uphold,” said Ms. Didjaseedat. “I don’t want to think about what Shame was upholding as he watched this video.”

Another Freedom of Information request has been made by Didjaseedat, as well as by the HP and several horny teenage boys that attend both our public and private schools. Ms. Bonii and the HP have requested a copy of the real tape, while the horny boys have put in a request for the rest of Shame’s private video collection, particularly anything he might have starring Jenna Jameson.

No word yet on whether the BSOT Police will cooperate with these further requests. But since Sex and the City has ended, we can only hope that all requests will be met with open legs… er, we mean arms.

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