Saturday, February 18, 2006

Cheney and Shame Go Bird Hunting

Forced to take his vacation days before they expired, Broken Springs officer and local teen heartthrob Daniel Shame recently traveled to a Texas ranch to bird hunt with the Vice President.

“I met Dick at Floppers Family Restaurant last year when he was campaigning,” explained Shame. “He saw my NRA tattoo and asked me if I hunt. ‘Only when I drink,’ I told him. ‘When is that?’ he asked and I said, ‘every chance I get.’ He laughed. Right away I knew he was a down to earth guy.”

So down to earth, in fact, that Cheney invited Shame hunting on the spot, arranged for a first class airplane ticket to be set up in his name, and a Texas endorsed hunting license lacking the required bird stamp.

“It was classy,” explained the blight ordinance officer. “The nuts on the plane had shells and everything. They picked me up in a limo at the airport. Actually, we never left the limo, not even to pee. Well Harry did but he was the only one. Guess he thought he was too good for the Folger’s can. When we hunted, the limo driver drove us right into the woods. That’s class. Rich people shore do know how to hunt.”

When asked if he witnessed the accidental shooting of Harry Whittington, Shame only shrugged. “The windows were tinted. I didn’t see nothing. But that old geezer shore did earn his purple heart, as I hear it. Too bad too, cuz he was only taking a whiz, on account of all the beer he‘d drunk.”

When asked if he was paid thousands of dollars by the Administration to keep quiet, Shame shrugged again and said, “You think I could’ve got more?”

And when asked the question on everyone‘s mind: Was Cheney drinking during the accident? Shame admitted that he had a cold one with the V.P. “Just that one, but we made it last.”

“Must’ve been sipping that beer pretty slowly, then?” we deduced.

“Nah, not really,” said Shame. “It was a keg. Killian’s Red. Very classy.”

Shame granted our interview on the condition that we print a picture of the bird he bagged on the trip. That explains why we haven’t seen any Aflac commercials lately.

“Unfortunately I didn’t shoot any lawyers,” added Shame to end the interview.

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