Thursday, February 16, 2006

NFBS's Crime of the Week

Chocolate Thunda reporting...

Hello, My name is Agent Tuesday, of the Broken County Vice Squad, and this week's crime of the week comes from the files of the Broken Springs Police Department. On the afternoon of Tuesday, January 12, 2006 at approximately four PM several females from the relatively unknown FOJ gang and several members of a rouge group who call themselves the "Troublemakers" were recorded participating in a dangerous streetfight that maimed four pedestrians and crippled several nosy gossipers.

Members of the FOJs have recently stated that they were called to the rumble by one Chief Kingston of the Broken Springs Police Department, for support and peep shows throughout the evening for his entertainment as he served a "suspension" from the traffic light in town. Once they arrived on the scene in their FOJ gang attire (matching black lace Victoria's Secret thong and strapless bras with overcoats) they witnessed several suspects of the “Troublemaker” group throwing objects at the suspended chief. These objects included rocks, bottles, pool cues, and other various pointed instruments. At this point a street fight broke out and according to a Paramedic by the name of Joe, "I hadn’t seen fighting in the streets like this since the Riots of 2003 in Benton Harlem!" When Broken Springs’s Worst were called out in full doughnut gear, Acting Chief Daniel Shame fired several flaming arrows into the area to disperse the crowd. Fortunately, none of the arrows hit their mark, thanks to Acting Chief Shame's novice skill level with the weapon.

Crime Starters is seeking the subject or subjects that may lead up to or include the leaders of the Group "Troublemakers" for questioning and possible deportation from Broken Springs. Anyone with information is requested to leave a message with the editor of this newspaper. As always, you will be given a free doughnut and we won't misspell your name.

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