Sunday, July 03, 2005

New Fleet Requested

After asking for and receiving from the Police Commission $5,000 in back vacation pay despite the department’s “Use it or lose it” policy, Chief Jim Kingston has again gone to the commission, this time to request a fleet of new police vehicles.

“Well,” said the Chief, “It was so easy the last time. The commission worships the ground… er, I mean they realize how important it is to keep me happy because I’m such a vital and homegrown member of this community. Hell, they’ve even promised me and my boys tasers once this pesky millage passes. So I figure, if life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.”

“He’s not asking for lemons,” said Broken Springs citizen known city wide only as Troublemaker Bob. “He’s asking for Lamborghinis”

Sources confirm that the Chief is indeed asking for Lamborghinis, 10 of them, painted red, white, and blue, but has offered to pay for the gas out of his own pocket, or quite possibly from the $5,000 of back vacation pay he recently received.

“Chief Kingston is so loyal and devoted to Broken Springs that he’s offered to supply his own gas. Not many would do that,” said the Chief’s mother in law, Liddie Bruehlman.

Contrary to Mrs. Bruehlman’s comment, we have learned that many BS public servants supply an endless supply of gas to their fellow citizens, whether requested or not. In fact, they often mask these contributions with allegations against the innocent sewer system.

But Mrs. Bruehlman’s point is not lost. By focusing on the negative, miscreants like Bob blind the public from realizing what a good idea Lamborghini patrol cars would be for the community. These faster than normal paddie wagons would be a great weapon to chase down all of Broken Springs’s twelve criminals, including Will in the wheelchair who often jaywalks. They would also look way cool with red and blue lights.

So does the Chief have a hope in Hell of actually getting the Lamborghinis? He remains optimistic. “Last time I asked for $21,000 and they gave me five thousand,” he says with a shrug. “So today I asked for Lamborghinis and I expect to get at least a half dozen Corvettes.”

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