This Just In...
We’ve just learned that our local Police Commission has displayed a rare hint of a spine when it informed Broken Springs Police Officer Daniel Shame that he would not be paid for a recent bereavement day he had taken. Shame had taken the bereavement day following the theft of his favorite Duran Duran CD ("Big Thing") from his patrol car.
According to Shame, he had left the CD in his unlocked, running patrol car while he went into a local residence to check on a teenage girl whose parents were out of town for the weekend.
"I try to keep a close eye on all the young girls in our community, so this wasn't anything unusual for me" Shame told the Commission. "Once I got inside, it would take only a minute or two, so I didn't bother to turn my car off and lock it. I do this sort of thing all the time, and nothing like this has ever happened before."
Shame told the Commission he was entitled to claim a bereavement day because of the severity of the circumstances. "I have spent more time listening to that CD than I've spent with my family over the past five years. Losing it is like losing a member of the family," he said. Shame added that this particular CD "will be sadly missed and I hope to replace it as soon as possible. However, the copy that was stolen was a rare Czechoslovakian version of the CD, and I may never be able to find another one just like it."
Despite Shame's emotional presentation, the Police Commission ruled that he was not eligible for a bereavement day, and informed Shame that the day he did take off would be counted as one of his vacation days, which is a pity because he spent much of the day trying to get his boat out of the river, where it had gotten stuck in the mud.
Officer Shame did not return our 47 telephone calls seeking comment.
(NFBS wishes to thank Bugs Funny for this breaking news.)