Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Tasers Just a Smokescreen


A certain faction in Broken Springs are using the Taser issue as a weapon to scare people into voting down the police millage on August 2nd. Since a no vote would put my buddy Jim Kingston out of the job he‘s held for over three decades, I must encourage all citizens to support the millage to keep Broken Springs a stable and fair community full of like minded individuals who support their local leaders, no matter how corrupt they shall be.

Here is why the taser issue shouldn’t be an issue this election season:

The Broken Springs Police will only taser people who deserve to be tasered. This includes the faction of people encouraging others to vote down the millage, as well as those who naturally run afoul of the law. THIS IS WHY THEY DON’T WANT THE MILLAGE TO PASS.

Tasers will help safeguard our community against terrorists, not to mention other thugs who have quickly infiltrated our streets with gangs and violence, turning the great BS into a little Benton Harbor. In all of my seven decades of life, I’ve never seen such a degradation of local society as I’m now seeing in little Broken Springs.

Yet Broken Springs is virtually without any crime at all. And we have Chief Jim and his gang of moral law enforcers to thank for it. You can fearlessly walk down the street at night and the only people who notice is the BSPD, often trailing right behind you in their loyal pursuit of service and protection. And now this rebel faction of Broken Springs, by encouraging a no vote, wants to take my police protection away from me? Well, here is my message to them:

Do us all a favor and move to Iraq, where your nitpicking paranoia will result in the separation of your head from your body. Don’t forget to send us a postcard.

Gerry Albitch

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