Friday, March 24, 2006

Straight Thunda

By: Chocolate Thunda, Shaken, Not Stirred!

As I am typing this I am learning that The Broken Springs Clovers basketball have splashed Bath out of any picture of a state title. Way to go guys! The next one is for all the “balls.“ So, mad props to the guys representing 'ole B S H S. It‘s about time BS receives some positive publicity.

Also as I type this, I have tonight's Pollution in front of me, and I have to say, those guys at the paper really surprise me every now and again. It was a nice little article and I think we will see more of them as this C and D business grinds on through the summer. At least I’d like to see more of them. Maybe take them out to a romantic date to Flemintines, and a moonlight drive ending with a long makeout session near the beach as we casually grope each other. Ahem, but back to the C&D letter…

Why is it some people have to get their trick sack all caught up and twisted if someone is merely having a laugh on their expense? Why can't they just take it as the funny, Ha Ha, and just let it be? If you don't like what's being said, there’s a back button in your browser right up there and to the left. See it? Right next to the spaghetti stain on your screen. Plain and simple, right? It reminds me of what that great master of comedy George Carlin once said:

“A reverend Donald Wildman in Mississippi heard something on the radio that he didn't like...
Well reverend, did anyone ever tell you that there are two knobs on the radio? Two knobs on the radio! Of course, I'm sure the reverend isn't too comfortable with anything that has two knobs on it…”

And now for something completely different…
There was recently a letter published in a local "Paper" taking issue with Fireman Thickett’s homecoming he received after returning from Iraq. The letter writer didn’t believe that Thickett deserved such a homecoming because he was paid to be in Iraq. Sgt. Whizzanant may not be getting paid booku bucks but she’s the only non-firefighter that has ever marched with the department's parade unit. Let me make this clear. Any American who goes to Iraq to save lives and fight for democracy and comes back home with his head still attached to his body deserves all the credit we can give them. To say that Fireman Thickett deserves any less is a mockery. Sorry if this sounds like a rant, but I’m trying to get all of this in before Jim Kingston himself comes in and rips my computer plug out of the wall.

This letter business has got my trick sack all worked up as well. I didn't even receive one and I’m Throat’s right hand man. Well, sometimes I use both hands. She likes it when I use both hands. To type I mean. Get your minds out of the gutter!. But if the site gets shut down, I will have to go back to self mutilation just to pass the time. This has been a breakthrough as far as a creative outlet for me. By the way... A couple of articles ago I had found myself in the county inn for… how do you say..."Drunk-in-PUB-Lic". Well, thanks to the creative talents of my good editor, I was able to make bail and get the heck out of there before I became deflowered a second time! The judge went easy on me and since I was the first case of the day he sentenced me to a couple of laborious hours rewiring computers at the local cop shop and time served for good behavior. As my former cellmate Bubba says, all’s well that ends well. In fact, he thought my “end” was fine as hell. But I’ll save that experience for another article.

Finally... Has anyone seen TC the cougar lately? He was at my house laying low for a while until this letter business is resolved. He said he couldn’t hang out at Throat's pad anymore without being noticed by the fuzz that circles the place. Really I think he just likes hanging out with me because I let him drink my beer. But two nights ago, he went out with some of the wild pack dogs of the area for a night on the forest. Hasn't returned since. Hopefully they’re out the finishing the remains of a mammoth or something. Maybe they met some fine bitches (female dogs, you perverts) and are out for a midnight howl at the moon. Hopefully he’ll come back when he’s finished. He needs to scare up some more business again. His numbers in the polls are dropping. I haven’t seen him mentioned in any of the toilet papers around here for weeks. If someone not intoxicated or stoned doesn't see him soon, people will forget what he looks like. He might even be able to walk down the street without wearing that fake beard and moustache.

This is Chocolate Thunda, signing out, hoping NFBS lives to see another day.
Remember...crack kills, pull up your pants!!

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