Thursday, March 30, 2006

NRA to Host Benefit

By Chocolate Thunda, until the plug is pulled!

In an effort to show support in the impending legal battle in which NFBS may possibly partake, leaders of the National Revolution Association have announced a rally for the press staff of NFBS later next month. All proceeds will go towards the legal defense fund, helping to offset the cost to retain freedom in the small town of Broken Springs. "Battle of the Blog," as it is affectionately known, erupted last week when Broken Springs’s Mayor, Police Chief, and its most notorious police officer threatened the town’s weakly satirical rag with a cease and desist letter.

When asked why the NRA wanted to join the battle, president Carl Heffner (no relation to his brother, Hugh) set down his Budwesier, gripped his steering wheel tightly and said, "After reading that hilarious site about all the mishaps of Daniel Shame and his bow and arrow, we’re not about to let three sissy girls who cant take a joke get the upper hand on the first amendment and regulate what people do or say. What's next? Stripping Americans of their right to bear arms?” The emboldened gun nut clasped his right hip fiercely and continued, “Plus, anyone who goes out of the village limits to practice shooting bows and arrows clearly needs medical treatment! Why wasn’t he target practicing with his gun? What’s he got against guns anyway? I’m not saying he’s a communist but if the furry Bolshevik hat fits…”

The NRA’s offer was extended after word spread that two sissy girls and one sissy boy, sorry, I have that backwards, three sissy girls, had a letter drawn up by their lawyer ordering NFBS to Cease and Desist with a letter delivery heard around the world. Proving once again that every day is a slow news day in Broken Springs, the three officials, who shall henceforth be referred to as Moe, Larry, and Curly, have taken issue with what they say are “lies, lies, and more lies, albeit funny and clever lies.”

Plans for the NRA endorsed event are still sketchy, however. We were able to ascertain that the festival and rally will be held at the Groping Park on Broken Spring's south side. Directions to the location of the rally are: Drive south until just before you hit the river. If you hit the river, you’ve gone too far. The tentative date for the event was originally April 15th, until it was discovered that the Chippendales will be in Niles that day and the NFBS editoress would be unavailable that evening and next morning due to her inevitable hangover. The rally’s date was then changed to April 20th, which will conveniently be Adolph Hitler’s birthday.

There’s also a large parade being planned for the day the NFBS staff receives justice. More to follow as the date and time are secured. Seating on the firetrucks is limited, so we recommend you arrive early once the date is announced.

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