Critic's House Relocated

Vacationing Bruce Robert, aka Troublemaker Bob, returned to Broken Springs after a weeklong holiday to Hawaii, only to find that his house had been relocated to the city of Puchanan without his permission. The move was authorized by the BSOT Police after frequent complaints concerning Bruce’s dangerous ideas about democracy in local government. The Village Council officially voted to oust Bruce out of the town’s limits after the Township Board elected him to a committee to research the possibility of the Village relinquishing control over the Police Department. The move makes Bruce - now officially a Puchanan resident - ineligible to serve on the committee, thus guaranteeing the Village future representation on the Police Commission.

Troublemaker Bob, upon his arrival back in his hometown, found an empty lot where his house once stood. Neighbors initially claimed to know nothing when he knocked on their door to ask where his house went. Most gave him blank stares and denied having played a part in the dismantling and relocating of his family dwelling. But several neighbors have since claimed responsibility for the relocation, insisting that it has been good for Broken Springs as a whole.

One such concerned citizen is Village Trustee Pete Faygo, who told us with a scary leer, "Bruce is one of the same three people always complaining at the meetings. We're working on relocating the houses of the other two now."

After filing a Missing House report with the local police (who he insisted were of little help), Bruce went ‘house hunting’ himself. “It could have been anywhere,” he told NFBS. “It was like looking for a needle in a haystack, until I realized that my intellectually challenged foes had forwarded my mail, also without my permission. Then it was just a matter of inquiring about my new address in the Post Office.”

Robert’s house had been reconstructed on Blue Bud Trail, stuck in the middle of a patch of woods with no drainage or electricity. “There it was,” he recalled the discovery, “Stuck behind a rusty windmill at the end of a long dirt driveway, not a neighbor in sight.”

According to Bruce, he’s planning on returning his house to its original property, just as soon as he can get the Village Council to approve his building permit. That’s unlikely to occur anytime soon, however, since inside sources tell us that Jan Chaddwick plans to build a three story Mayoral Mansion on the property formerly belonging to Bruce.