Village worried about being ousted off Police Commission

Broken Springs will likely fight any ruling that Onoyoko Township makes to monopolize the BSOT Police Commission, says Village President, and full time Krispe Kreme taste tester, Jan Chaddwick.

“I just don’t understand how it could possibly help me pursue my personal agenda to control every aspect of the town,” claims Chaddwick. “If the department and its lovely Chief are governed by those anti-sewer township kooks, and the Village has no way to sweep the department’s problems under the rug or to influence the media because the commission‘s attorney is our local editor‘s brother, then that is not acceptable to us.”

Last month, the township board created a four member committee to study the possible takeover. Included on the committee are two anti-cop, anti-sewer township trustees, and two ordinary citizens off the street, one of which has a suspect relationship with ducks, the other of which is a closet cross dresser. These four Broken Springs denizens will decide the fate of who will police the police officers, including the trouble ridden Chief.

“If the department is held accountable for its actions, it could be disheartening to the officers and their families,” said Chaddwick. “It’s irresponsible to leave these officers hanging, wondering if they’ll be able to continue to harass and intimidate the good people of Broken Springs.”

Township Supervisor Ernie Hildecrust insists that department operation wouldn’t change much in the event of a power shift. “I envision a commission of three township representatives, and possible village representation, assuming the two ladies give back rubs and promise not to vote,” says Hildecrust with a chuckle. When asked about Mayor Chaddwick’s criticism of the proposal, Ernie Hildecrust comments “I guess we know whose is bigger now, don’t we?”

Although Township representatives claim they are in no rush to make a decision, time is of the essence. The police department’s 4 mill property tax levy expires this year and will be up for renewal in August. Who controls the police department could very well determine whether or not the millage is renewed.

“Most everyone in the village is sick to death of politics,” says the political Chaddwick, “Including me.”

“Does that mean you don’t intend to run for re-election?” we ask her.

She scoffs and answers, “Well I didn’t say that, exactly.”